It’s not hotter than Hell. To say that it is hotter than Hell would be hyperbolic. But I will say this, I wish it was Hell. I will say 98 degrees in New England is worse than Hell. Hell offers certainty. It is supposed to be hot, it is hot, and it will continue to be hot. In New England, it’s not supposed to be hot in the first place, yet it is. And an entire region of the United States sits and waits, just one summer storm away from the heat breaking. Maybe tomorrow will be the day, alas, it is not. Maybe an ocean breeze will bring with it, relief. It does not. The hope that one day it will not be hot, but not knowing when that day is, is yes, worse than Hell.
New England, rather Boston specifically, is a city that is designed to enjoy our short summer months. The city is adorned with outdoor pop-up beer gardens and kayaking rental stands up and down the Charles. It is also populated with a culture of people who drive away to the Cape every weekend. With a heat wave this bad, the beer gardens clear out and Cape traffic, while just as populous, is even more infuriating. Boston is fairly outdoorsy, for a city. Running is a huge part of the culture, bike lanes line every major road, and yet these past few weeks a movie theatre is more attractive than a park.
There is a constant sweat. People grow to accept it. Your hair is flat and your shirt is stained, but it is not embarrassing as it once was, because everyone’s hair is flat and everyone’s shirt is stained. The cost of living in Boston is so high that many can’t afford to keep their A/C on to keep their homes cool, and that is concerning only that homes that even have A/C and aren’t relegated to laying in front of a window unit that sits in the sun all afternoon. The only escape from the heat are the dark corners of city bars or the damn near intrusive A/C of corporate office buildings. Work or drink are your options in the midst of a Boston heat wave.
I have no solution to this heat. I only suggest you adapt. Fool yourself into thinking that the city you are in is not Boston, but a city whose beauty is worth the insurmountable heat. Sit on the banks of the Charles and convince yourself it’s the Tiber. Convince yourself you aren’t sweating through your Sox tee and drinking warm Harpoon, but rather wearing crisp linen drinking white wine. Keep hydrated and don’t forget the SPF. It will be October before you know it.
Stay cool, celebrate weekly, and Happy #MillenialFriday