My Magic Bullet Changed My Life

This is not branded content. I repeat, this is not branded content. In no way have things gone well enough for me to secure some sort of contractual brand loyalty. (But come on, Magic Bullet, sponsor the blog!) And I’ve just revealed this week’s topic of choice (you saw the title, you knew what this was) but yes, this week we are talking Magic Bullet!

I’ll keep this incredibly straight forward and unbelievably simple. My friend told me I should get a Magic Bullet, and it changed my life. I am now telling you to get one and, ergo, changing yours. At its core, Magic Bullet is merely a blender, but one use reveals it is much more. Yes, mechanically it serves the same central purpose as a blender. You put things in it and they become liquefied and blended into one. Remember learning the difference between a physical change and chemical change in science? There is an astounding physical change right before your eyes. Spinach, fruit, spices, and water instantly morph into a morning concoction to start your day. But inside you, a chemical change also occurs. The geography of your brain actually remaps itself and you become a lifelong Magic Bullet user. (All accounts of experiences are purely anecdotal.)

Without going all infomercial on you, here is why it beats a run-of-the-mill blender. It isn’t its one setting, press down and it blends technology. Here is why it’s great. It also acts like a cup. I mean, a cup for crying out loud! You’ve seen them. The Magic Bullet inverts the blender so the blades can be removed and you drink straight from the device itself. Single serving. It’s like if a Keurig was a blender and also didn’t make trash coffee. So we get a few things with this innovation, namely, clean up. That’s the trouble with a blender. It’s tough to clean and if anything gets stuck in them you have to blindly reach into sharp blades. This problem is resolved with the Magic Bullet. The very quick blender-to-cup transformation also adds endless on-the-go possibility to your morning.

Now, the reason I love the Magic Bullet is not because before I was blending all kinds of shit and having trouble cleaning it. I love the Magic Bullet because before it I wasn’t blending at all. Full disclosure, mine has one purpose, morning smoothies. With the product, you can make salsa, hummus, dips, sauces, cocktails, protein shakes, anything that isn’t, like, super solid food. I don’t even utilize other those foods, and I fell in love.

I make a smoothie every morning. I make the same smoothie every morning. It costs me $11 a week at Trader Joe’s, and I drink it everyday. Spinach, blueberries, half a banana, turmeric, oats, and water. It doesn’t matter how much of anything you put in it, you can’t mess it up. It takes all of six minutes to make and then my day is started off on the right foot. The added health bonus is unbelievable. It is the single easiest way to integrate fruits and vegetables into your diet consistently. I think I ate 11 blueberries in 2017, facts. It’s Thursday, and I’ve had a bag and a half. How many blueberries are in a bag? I have no clue.

It’s quick. It’s easy. It’s good for you. I don’t know what else I need to sell you on. Truth be told, I probably need to make a pina colada and some shit with it and sell you there, that’s more my brand, huh? If you needed any more convincing, the thing costs forty bucks. That’s all. So go to your Bed, Bath, and Beyond and pick one up. You’re gonna go and see something similar and that’s going to be the NutriBullet and those bastards charge like $130 for that glorified yard sale toy. You’re going to think, “Emmett lied to me.” I did not. Go find the Magic Bullet and pay forty dollars not a cent more. Only because I’m convinced no one is still reading, because this is an over 700 word write-up on a goddamn kitchen appliance, if you spend more than $40 tweet me and I’ll cover the difference. (Serious about the tweeting, not about the paying back.)

I’m trying to get it together, and the Magic Bullet is helping. Go check one out. You have my stamp of approval. And please, for the love of all that is holy, send me questions to answer or next week I’ll review a fucking Dyson Ball.


Much love guys. Take care. And as always, Happy #MillenialFriday


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